Things I've Learned In The Space Of A Day

Tonight, my youngest brother came over for a barbeque and some World Cup time with Tommie. The barbeque was a spontaneous decision, but lovely. We even had enough to share with my grand-uncle. But, to relieve myself of the boredom of watching eleventy million matches, I decided to document the things I've learnt and come to realise tonight. Some are ridiculously true, others are steeped in fiction. It's up to you to decide which are which.

1. Skin tags aren't tears.

2. Homeless men make great pets.

3. Wifebeaters look amazing on toddlers.

4. Football is a useless sport. I will never understand it.

5. My brother is quite the popular little Casanova.

6. Having people crack my fingers will never feel normal.

7. These life lessons make absolutely no sense. The World Cup has turned my mind to mush.

8. I can't type for shit.

9. Cider tastes better out of jam jars.

10. I have abysmal taste in music.

11. "Turtles make good ashtrays" - Tommie's groundbreaking addition to tonight's post.

12. People come and go, but chocolate is constant.

13. I dislike people reading over my shoulder, and commenting every three seconds,

14. I like POTATOES. This is a lie. Tommie is a dirty liar who is trying to take over this post.

15. My balls are itchy

16. I actually don't have any. This is a conundrum. (Or, at least Tommie typing again)

17. Apparently, I have four balls. Not including ovaries, as they too are balls. My boyfriend is an out and out genius.

18. I like to have my head scratched, but only by people with no nails.

19. Sitting with my back to the TV seems to be the best option.

20. Sometimes chocolate appears in my mouth, which means I don't have to share with the other people in the room.

21. Tommie seems to get a kick out of harassing me with popcorn. First at the McBusted concert, and again tonight. I don't like this "tradition".

1 comment:

  1. So... You don't like potatoes? At all?! But they're a staple food!! D: