looking back

Let me start off this post with the song we sang at my secondary school graduation. It will make sense shortly. I promise. 

Today, I took a new route to work. Instead of walking through the centre of town, I decided to walk through the town park. This walk brings me right past my old secondary school. And it made me laugh. Walking towards the entrance, music blaring from my headphones, uniform on, scowling at the idea of being up so early, it was like I was transported back ten years.
Back then, I had an idea of where I wanted my life to go. College, "proper" job, money. I would have grown out of the clumsy, forgetful, shy teenager I was. I wanted to be a radio presenter, not having the face for TV. I wanted my voice to be heard. I had visions of this jet set older self, with sleek hair, manicured nails and a distinct lack of bruises.
But things change. Priorities shift. Life throws a curveball or two. And it made me realise, just because I'm not doing what I expected I would be as a naive teen, does it really matter? Do I really mind that my voice isn't as loud as others? That I didn't finish college? That I never gave myself the chance to travel the world?
I used to meet my old teachers regularly in my old job. I remember the first time I met each of them, when they'd ask me how I was and what I was doing. I'd get embarrassed when explaining I had dropped out of college and I was working full time in a supermarket. But now I realise I needn't have been. It wasn't the path I had initially chose for myself, but one that has worked out well for me. And things could have been a lot worse.
So, Life, whatever you have to throw at me, I'm ready. I've grown up a lot in the last ten years. I know who I am now. I may not still be that schoolgirl I was back then, but there's still a lot of her left in me. My hair is still unruly. I'm forever sporting a bruise or ten. I'm still more than a little bit shy. I had never imagined myself being a mother, never mind being a single parent. I never thought I'd be happy in a job like mine, but it's fun, and enjoyable, and I've met some great people. I still have dreams, though most of them are closer to home now. Instead of travelling the world, I'll settle for some family holidays. 
And I got to work today and realised I'd forgotten to wear a bra. Some things don't change at all.

1 comment:

  1. It is amazing looking back at what you used to think you would be doing by now. When I was at school I thought I was going to be a professional dancer - something that I eventually chose not to follow!
    I think it's just best to enjoy the life you have, if there are things you want to change now, change them but if not then there's nothing to be ashamed of!

    Emma | frillsanddoodads.com